The situation in Corinth had turned from simple turmoil into something toxic. The church had rejected Paul, much like Israel rejected the prophets of old. The difference here may be nuanced as the apostle had planted the church in Corinth. He wasn’t a traveling salesman peddling wares and convincing people they needed to buy something they didn’t need. No, he invested both physically and emotionally into the very lives of the Corinthians (6:11-12). He saw their relationship as a parent to a child, like a parent who is “all in” on their children. He opened his heart to them, and they not only refused to reciprocate (6:12), but they flat out rejected him.
Something was brewing in Corinth and its odor was rank. The pot was starting to boil and what was spilling over was spoiled. While we don’t know the details, we know the results. Corinth discarded Paul and his leadership like an old worn-out shoe, hurting him, and forcing him to leave. They were like the prodigal son to their father, saying, “I wish you were dead!” Sadly, they stood in a historically long line of God’s people, both in the past and in their future, rejecting the Word sent to them.
Rejected. No one likes to be rejected. A manuscript is submitted to a publisher only to be returned with a thank you, but no thank you note. Rejected. An application is filled out and an interview is set, only for the position to be offered to someone else. Rejected. A boy gets the nerve to ask the girl out on a date, only for her to turn him down. Rejected. A mother cooks a dinner and sets it before her family who won’t eat what she prepared for them. Rejected. No one likes to be rejected, but we cannot stop the inevitable.
When we are rejected, we often turn inward and feel the rejection is our fault. We did something wrong. Like an armchair quarterback, we analyze with 20/20 vision, believing that somehow we now have clarity. So analyzing our actions, we should have spoken when we should have kept silent, or kept silent when we should have spoken. We came across too strong when we were too soft, or we were too soft enough when we should have been stronger. It’s enough to drive someone crazy. We accept blame and kick ourselves in the process, all the while our egos and self-esteem take the hit.
In the movie, Back to the Future, Marty McFly is encouraged by his girlfriend, Jennifer, to submit a tape of his band to a record company. Hs response is immediate defeat, “I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.” Jennifer thought the demo was good, real good. What is more is Deja vu moment when Marty McFly travels back thirty years in time and meets his father, George, who repeats the very same line to Marty who is trying to convince him to ask Loraine out for a date. “I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.” No doubt, Marty and George speak for many of us when our confidence is shaken.
A not-so fun fact is that we have been preconditioned for rejection. Studies have shown that by the age of five a child knows his/her value, or said another way, the child’s self-esteem is already defined. Before the child enters school, he/she already knows, not only if they are loved, but how much they are loved. They then carry that awareness through school and into adulthood. Each step of the way, each victory and each defeat they face reinforces either the acceptance or rejection model.
My sister is adopted. Mom and dad brought her home when she was five days old. Fourteen months my younger, we were like twins as we ventured through school together. We have many fond memories from being classmates, to athletes, to church, and to graduation. I wouldn’t trade my sister for anything and cherish the memories and relationship we have today. But it wasn’t always easy for my sister. Hovering over a good home and godly parents is the reality that her birth mother gave her up for adoption. Whatever the reason, and it’s a powerful story beyond this scope of today’s message, dark clouds of rejection always hovered over my sister.
Rejection is a part of life.
We live with rejection because we have so many choices. If you don’t like this church, go to the next church down the street. If you don’t like chicken, then you can have the other chicken, pork. And if you don’t want pork, you can have steak. If you find you’re not in good hands with the insurance company then maybe another will be like a good neighbor. If you don’t like country music, then you can listen to rock. The moment we choose is the moment we accept something but reject another. Even if we just prefer one to the other, a level of rejection exists.
We live with rejection because people refuse to work on themselves. When something is wrong on the inside but is often ignored or denied, then that energy must find its focus elsewhere. A married couple who have very little in common with each other, and the slightest disagreement quickly escalates, find a common enemy to focus their negative attention. It becomes their rally-cry to avoid the work needed to save their marriage. Sometimes the target is a leader. Very often it’s the church leader or pastor. So they reject the pastor and focus their attention on him to save their marriage while ignoring the very pieces falling apart in their own lives.
We live with rejection because of the level of narcissism that permeates throughout society. Narcissism is the “Me Generation” on steroids. People, who believe the world revolves around themselves, have always existed. It’s just that today it seems that more and more narcissist have a platform through social media and the freedom to demand attention or to have their own way. No longer concerned about community or others, and lacking compassion, the narcissistic tendencies demand everything be done their way with no room for compromise. When we encounter a person or people who only think of themselves, they will quickly find a way to reject you.
We live with rejection because some people are not ready for a new idea or even to hear the truth. We step into a patient’s home to talk about end of life experiences, and they’re in denial. Believing they will get better and recover, funeral arrangements are left undecided. Once the subject is broached, offense is taken at the thought of dealing with eminent death. So we slowly work with them, building trust, and walking with them so that when the day comes the patient and family are ready and accepting of death.
Our hospice ministry is to enter the homes and lives of the individuals we are called to serve. Sometimes the patient and family are eager to embrace our guidance and instructions for care. Other times, we find ourselves and help rejected by the very ones trusting us. We offer to bathe our patients who refuse our care. We offer to provide medication to numb the pain or to heal a wound, but they refuse to take the medication. We offer spiritual care, but the patient refuses to allow Spiritual Care into their homes, and when they do, they fail to tell their story truthfully to us. A worse-case scenario is that the person entering the home is rejected and even blamed for the patient’s problems. And we walk away with Marty McFly running through our heads, “I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.”
When Paul was rejected by his Corinthian church, he disclosed his heart, and in the process maybe offered us a way to work through rejection. First, he temporarily distanced himself from the church, refusing to make another “painful visit” (2:1). Paul wasn’t running away and being passive-aggressive. Instead, he was allowing the dust to settle before engaging with the church. Secondly, while Paul did write a letter them, he refused to write out of anger, but instead he wrote out of shedding many tears (2:4). Paul was hurting, and rightly so. Being rejected hurts and often causes deep wounds. Sometimes we need a good cry, and Paul seemed to embrace those tears. Thirdly, Paul refused to pull the “authority card” on the Corinthians (1:24). Refusing to rely on his position, rather, he pointed to his disposition, a Spirit of brokenness that had come through many tears. In fact, Paul responded to the Corinthians like the father in Luke 15. He absorbed the rage and rejection without retaliation. Granted, later on Paul promises to bring discipline if attitudes and behavior will not change (13:2-3). For now, the apostle is allowing the temper-tantrum of the church to run its course. He does so, finally, because he holds out hope that the church will reaffirm their love for him (2:3).
No one wants to experience rejection, but rejection is one thread woven through the fabric of reality. And like you, Marty McFly’s quote keeps running through my head, “I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.” When we are rejected by friends, family, or patients, just remember we do not stand alone because even the great Apostle Paul was rejected.
Soli Deo Gloria!
(i.e., only God is glorified!)