The day is burned into my memory, and was the first marker of hope in four months of darkness. My dad had passed away before Christmas in 2003. He was a recipient of a liver transplant in 1997, but nearly seven years later he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We had a family reunion to say “goodbye” to him at Thanksgiving, and after the first of the year we held a memorial service for him. While each of my brothers spoke, I gave the eulogy.
What I never expected was how deep and dark the hole I was sinking into was going to be. For three months I never saw the Son’s ray break through the darkness, and there were times when I thought I’d never see the Son’s rays again. What made this journey more difficult was that I was preaching at the time. Every week I was standing before my congregation with a message of hope, given by someone who had all but lost hope. I distinctly remember one Sunday morning when my lips and tongue told the congregation of God’s love and mercy, but my mind was telling me, “I don’t believe it.” I was worshiping from Psalm 148, but emotionally and spiritually, I was living in Psalm 130.
Psalm 148 is filled with hope, praise and adoration to God. God receives the glory and recognition for his creation. Everyone and everything bursts forth in praise. At the end of Psalm 148 everyone feels good, for God is in control. However, Psalm 130 is filled with despondency. The Psalmist is in the depths of despair and keeps crying out to God, a God who is not responding to the prayers of the Psalmist. It’s hard to strengthen your faith when hope is all but lost.
So when the Psalmist stands before us and calls out Psalm 148 but you’re stuck in Psalm 130, what can you do? As someone who has been in that situation before, allow me to share with you some thoughts.
● If you’re looking for a reason for the darkness, you may not find it. Ultimately, does knowing a reason change your response to your situation? The story of Job places the audience in the “know” but keeps Job in the “unknown.” We know why Job was enduring suffering, but God never explains the reason to him. Maybe God knew Job wouldn’t understand, or maybe God needed Job to act in faith and to praise God in the midst of his pain, not in the absence of it. Never underestimate the power of praising the Light in the midst of darkness.
● Draw from what you know is true, and your feelings will catch up. That morning I was preaching, I spoke the truth, though emotionally and in the moment I had a hard time believing. Given time, my feelings caught up to truthful faith and I whole heartedly believed what I said was the truth. Even if you’re stuck in Psalm 130, go ahead and sing your heart out in Psalm 148 because at some point, you’ll believe the words in Psalm 148.
● Remember that God’s final answer to suffering is the cross. When your life situation forces you to quote Psalm 22:1, remember that Jesus quoted that same verse as well. Take comfort and knowing that Jesus sits with you, not only through the darkness, but when the Psalmist is calling the assembly to Psalm 148 and you’re stuck in Psalm 130, he is praising God with you and the congregation (see Psalm 22:22; Heb. 2:12).
So if you’re stuck in Psalm 130, above anything else, keep reading Psalm 130. Even when the Psalmist cries out to God, his faith is fully entrenched in God, “I wait for the Lord . . . and in his word, I put my hope” (Ps. 130:5). Your faith needs that same entrenchment.
So the day that is burned into my memory is not the day my words and my mind held a crisis of faith. The day burned into my memory is that Sunday morning I turned to Cile and said, “The Son broke through this morning. Today, I worshiped.” What he did for me, he’ll do for you.
Soli Deo Gloria!
(i.e. Only God is Glorified!)